During lockdown, my college friends and I, like many people, found a love for games we could play over Discord calls. When we went back to the campus for our senior year last year, we wanted to emulate or even improve on the fun we had.
So, during the breaks between classes, we headed over to our university library, the Rizal Library at the Ateneo de Manila University, where we could borrow board and card games like you would borrow a book, and play them in the communal learning area in the building.
Those were some of my favorite moments in college. We played everything from historical card game Timeline to word game Train of Thought, mystery board game Clue to speed-matching card game Spot It!
We played on library tables and cafeteria tables, study desks and picnic blankets. I genuinely believe playing those games got me through my senior year—they curbed my stress and anxiety, got me to relax, boosted my serotonin, and generally just made me happy (and not just because I liked to win).
Even though my schedule wasn’t as crazy as it was during freshman year, senior year was stressful. My friends and I worried about class projects with questionable groupmates, a year-long thesis, excruciating lectures, post-graduation plans, clearances and grad shoots and Latin honors.
We also had to face the fact that this was our last ever year in college, and for many, in school altogether. It was crazy, nostalgic, and often overwhelming.
So every game we played, every laugh we shared, was like taking a breath. Amidst the stress of thesis and lectures and projects, sitting down on those chairs and opening beat-up, worn-down boxes of games, trying to figure out how to play it, and getting competitive with my friends was nothing short of therapeutic.
I came into my senior year with the mindset that I wasn’t going to spend all my time with my nose buried in readings or hunched over my laptop. I planned to take it all in, savor everything I’ve missed, and spend more time with friends.
Seeing other people sitting around tables in the library play their own board games and get shushed by the library guard because they were being too rowdy gave me a sense of joy. People were having fun, spending time together, and learning as they go—and it was wonderful.
Never has a time come where people collectively realized what we’ve taken for granted. So something as simple as arguing over how to play the game right, or gloating about winning three games in a row, could be something special. I was terrible at speed games and logic games, better at word games and trivia, but I loved every game because I was learning, I was grounded, and I was with people I’ve formed strong bonds with.
I loved it because we were there, present, in moments of respite and joy that made us feel like we could power through all the papers and the possibilities of the future.
One time, after we took over a table and loudly played a game of Train of Thought, a student from another table asked us what game we were playing and where they could get it. It was a simple interaction, but looking back, it’s so cool to think that someone else thought that what we were doing was fun or interesting, and that there was a possibility they’d play it with their friends, too.
Clearly and inherently, board games bring people together. It’s not childish or nerdy. There’s a certain magic in thinking together, competing with each other, and doing something fun. I learned about how my friends play certain games, heard about their memories with certain games, and figured things out with them. I powered through senior year because most of the days on campus, one of us in the barkada would ask, “Laro tayo?” and we’d head on over to the library and pick out games to play.
We never got to play everything we wanted to. But hopefully other people get to. Hopefully those games in the library don’t collect dust, the shelves overflow with new ones, and the boxes get worn down. Hopefully libraries and tables are always filled with dice and cards and laughter. Because sometimes, it really is just the little things that get us to keep going. They build up, get us excited about life, and get us to find and hope for little glimmers of good in every day.
In all honesty, I think my 18-year-old self should give me some advice. She still has some light in her eyes. I truly embody the Taylor Swift lyric “How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?” and I wonder what my 18-year-old self would think of me now. But with time comes learning, and while past is past, I still wish I could reassure my younger self that everything would be alright.
At 18 I was on my last year of high school, about to enter my dream program at my dream university, so excited at all the new that was about to happen.
Well, all this “new” came at me like a truck. To be fair, a pandemic was new. It was just the opposite of exciting. And after my first low grades and a rejection that truly, unfortunately, shaped my entire college life, I was henceforth sick and afraid of the new. But here I am, looking back, changed by time like water smoothing stone, hoping everything I learned could help someone else.
SO, TO MY 18-YEAR-OLD SELF:
Resist the urge to underestimate yourself, but keep the humility.
First things first—you’re going to think you peaked in high school. And that’s kinda not true. Kidding aside, college is a shark tank of all the smartest, most ambitious sharks that want the same things you do. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, to think you can get swallowed up by all the doubt and shrink into yourself, believing that there’s no space for you to explore and pursue your dreams. But don’t.
You’re where you are because you, and other people, had faith in your ability and your promise. So keep that faith locked in. There’s enough space in the world for you to learn, to chase your own dreams, and to do what you love.
You can’t give up the moment it gets hard. You can handle more than you think you can.
Speaking of underestimating yourself, I’ve always been so guilty of simply passing over opportunities because I think I can’t do it. Or that it’s not “worth it.” I’ve said “okay na yan” more times than I can count. I lower the bar because I’m afraid of pushing myself to the limit only to fail. But I know that you can’t see the view from the top of a mountain without making the climb.
And I don’t tend to regret many things, but looking back, I know I was too complacent and never pushed myself or my work to its best. Unfortunately, I find that I still do that sometimes. But we work through it. You power through the anxiety and the fear of failure, and you’ll strike gold.
Open yourself up to the possibility of enjoying and learning from new experiences.
Some of my favorite classes were electives that I took because I was drawn to it, despite the potential of a bad grade, or classes I thought were unnecessary. Some of my lowest grades were in those kinds of classes, too! But I found that the learning was worth any bad grade. Also, some of my favorite experiences in student organizations were in positions I didn’t even think I qualified for.
I learned so much from those classes and org experiences, and not just about the lessons and the kind of work I did, but about myself and all the possibilities I had in front of me. How would I feel if didn’t let myself be open to the possibility that an experience, while presumably out of my comfort zone, could be great for me? I’ll have spent so much time wondering what if or being ignorant about something that could help me understand myself and the world I wanted to partake in.
Surround yourself with good people, and be the kind of good people you want to be surrounded by.
My thesis partner, whom I knew since freshman year, once said to me that they regretted that we only became close during our final year, and while the pandemic (and unfortunate circumstances at the time) did fracture newly-formed friendships, I was lucky to have found friends that will stick with me long-term. I don’t have to tell you to be a good person or a good friend, but you do have to choose friends wisely and with an open mind.
“Time goes fast. Eat it up, but chew slowly.” – Emily Wickersham
This is a shot of the driveway I got lost in the very first time I stepped on campus—the same driveway I spent about 20 minutes in every day both my freshman and senior year before going home. I don’t think it changed much, but I definitely have.
Four years of college went by just like that, and I’ll always feel a sense of resentment at having a full experience ripped away from me. But what the last few years have taught me is that you just have to take life day by day, moment by moment. Life changes and we grow old fast. Before you know it, you’ve graduated and you’re thinking about all the regrets you have and all the things you should have done and writing about them like you’re a 60-year-old with all the wisdom in the world. Regardless, while “make the most of what little time you have” is generic and clichéd, it’s always sound advice.
In all honesty, all that this sentimentality leaves way for is me wishing I knew better before. But the important thing is, I know better now. And hopefully, you do, too.
Make the thesis process as painless as possible by trying out these websites to help you with everything from your RRL to deck design and organized collaboration!
One of the most excruciating things about doing your thesis is looking for related literature. It has to not just be related, but also relevant, accurate, and properly-sourced. One of the most exciting things about doing your thesis is finding those perfect references to use in your paper. Thankfully, there is a wide variety of websites and databases available to students and scholars alike so you can be more excited than excruciated when embarking on your thesis journey.
Besides libraries and databases, this list also includes tools and platforms that will help you in being organized, creative, and streamlined in your research process. From JSTOR to Canva, Google Scholar to Miro, there’s a little bit of everything for everyone.
Zotero is a free tool that can help you collect, annotate, and cite all your references quickly and efficiently. Tired of having to cite manually or having to input each reference into a citation machine individually? Zotero’s got your back. You can upload links, PDFs, books, and other references and sort them as you wish, and Zotero will automatically grab the metadata for easy citation. You can make minor edits to the data, then just pick which citation style to use, and Zotero will generate your entire bibliography just like that.
Philippine E-Journals or PEJ collects and stores articles, publications, and journals from schools and universities across the country. While a lot of material are only available in print, you can find older, less well-known, and very specific localized references written by Filipino scholars in this database.
Google’s search engine for scholarly literature is incredibly helpful, especially when you’re just beginning your research. It scans across a broad range of sites, databases, and libraries to give you leads to articles and books relevant to your thesis. Its tagline “stand on the shoulders of giants” is accurate representation of what it offers to the world, and is actually quite inspiring.
Taylor & Francis publishes renowned, peer-reviewed journals and makes them available on the website. Spanning a wide range of fields, Taylor & Francis is trusted and closely monitored, so you’re sure to get quality references—but often, for a price. Many articles are open-access, but to gain access to more, you have to subscribe, or your institution may be able to help you. Regardless, you’ll for sure find something that helps.
JSTOR
This digital library stores and publishes millions of journals, books, media, and other sources across a wide range of fields. While most resources are unfortunately hidden behind paywalls, JSTOR’s Open Access Collection does have accessible publications and references for your perusal. Also, check with your university as they may be able to give you access to those journals and papers.
YOUR UNIVERSITY DATABASE
Don’t sleep on your school’s library and database. After all, there’s a reason why your tuition costs as much as it does. They most likely will not just allow you access to paywalled websites like Taylor & Francis or JSTOR, but they also have publications and archives that much more relevant to your studies because they’re most likely localized and from similar contexts. You might even be able to contact some scholars directly for more help!
ResearchGate is more of a social networking site for scholars, but it’s great because most of the time, authors and scholars whose articles are hidden behind paywalls upload their papers to the site. If not, they may have contact information you can use to reach out. Last year, when I was doing my thesis, I used ResearchGate to contact a Hong Kong-based scholar whose conference paper was unavailable online, and she replied with a copy of the paper and even a PDF of her presentation deck!
The United States Library of Congress, the largest library in the world, hosts millions of source material in its digital database. Books, films, newspapers, photographs, audio recordings, maps, and manuscripts are all there for your perusal. If you’re doing any sort of historical research, this library will provide you with countless resources. And even though it is owned by the United States, there is so much material about the Philippines, especially during the American occupation.
With newspapers, exhibits, books, pictures, and publications, the National Library holds a pretty sizeable collection of documents. While its interface leaves much to be desired, the website is another nook and cranny you should check out to find the best resources for your study.
ScienceDirect makes papers and publications all about the sciences available to users. People can use it for scholarly, government, or industry work involving topics from the physical, life, and health sciences to the social sciences. Millions of its reference material are open-access as well.
Lucidspark and Miro are both collaborative platforms where you can make digital “whiteboards” to organize your thoughts, references, and data, as well as create diagrams, flow charts, and visualizations of said data. They’re great for brainstorming and taking note of ideas, tasks, and plans. Choose whichever platform works for you and get to collaborate with your thesis-mates in an organized and engaging manner.
For studies dealing with interviews or focus group discussions, Otter can help you transcribe your audio files so you don’t have to deal with the excruciating, long-winded pain of transcribing manually. However, be warned, though, that you will still have to double-check the transcripts because it will not be 100% accurate, especially if the language spoken isn’t English or if there’s too much noise in the background. The service is also free-to-use for a limited number of minutes and transcriptions per month.
Move over, PowerPoint and Google Slides. Canva has taken over the scene as the premier design platform to use for everything from presentation slides to birthday cards. You can use Canva to design your thesis materials—your deck, your thesis poster, pamphlets, graphs, and more! With their templates and easily-available graphics, your materials will never look better.
One of the most exciting things about college is that you get to join all kinds of organizations and projects and pursue that BS org life. You could start your career in student government, develop a new skill, advocate for social justice in advocacy-oriented organizations, and so much more. Some of them may be right up your alley, but some of them may be totally out of your comfort zone—and that’s okay! Whether or not you loved the org or the leadership experience, hopefully you, like these former student leaders, will have learned something valuable.
MEET THE STUDENT LEADERS
When we talk about student leadership, often the first the first thing that comes to mind is being active in student government. This is, of course, an important aspect of the term, but according to Claflin University, student leadership is also simply about being in the position to influence, motivate, and guide others. It’s about developing a sense of community and working with others to create something meaningful.
These five Gen Z former student leaders have experienced the highs and lows of student leadership in different fields and organizations:
Stanley Guevarra
Photo courtesy of France Vicente for PLUME | Stanley Guevarra
Stanley Guevarra was formerly the editor-in-chief of HEIGHTS Ateneo. HEIGHTS is the literary and artistic publication of the Ateneo de Manila University. Primarily, it celebrates literary and artistic excellence by publishing creative work done by the Ateneo community. He also founded and presided over PLUME, a literary organization and book club all about appreciating and promoting literature and the arts.
During his time in HEIGHTS, Stanley struggled with addressing the tension between wanting to make art and literature accessible to all while also still being a publication that can choose not to publish certain pieces for varying reasons. His efforts involved trying to expand the reach of HEIGHTS through political publication themes and establish it as a publication grounded in society and its current issues.
Photo courtesy of Julia Hao for PLUME | Stanley Guevarra
Stanley then founded PLUME as a response to the issue of making literature accessible, as well as students’ clamor for a book club and a community of book-lovers brought together by a love of literature. But problems of differing literary interests and levels of commitment also made building a literary community “from the ground up” challenging.
“It was difficult to accommodate everyone’s interests and needs,” he reflects. Members had different genre preferences, different ideas about what to do in the club, and more. Regardless, PLUME was able to bring fresh ideas to life through reading sessions, presentations, open mics, and events that really channeled the community’s love for art and literature.
Photo courtesy of France Vicente for PLUME | Stanley Guevarra
After taking on leadership roles in literary organizations and acknowledging that they’re not usually the kind of orgs that people “flock” to, Stanley learned that:
“You deserve to follow your heart.“
It’s not as selfish as you think. In a world where people often feel pressured to build up their resumes and careers as early as possible, it’s still very much possible to gain valuable knowledge and skills in organizations with causes you’re passionate about. Stanley elaborates that pursuing what you’re passionate about—what is fulfilling to you—is the truest and most creative way to serve and exist in the world.
Jasmine Paras
Photo courtesy of Felecito Sabanecio II for Archers Network | Jasmine Paras
Jasmine Paras worked as Chief of Staff and Director for Advocacies for the Office of the Vice President for External Affairs at the De La Salle University Student Government. She worked on project development related to community development and national affairs as well as policy-making in legislation.
Jasmine’s work in student government was faced with several hurdles, only made worse by the COVID-19 pandemic. A primary problem that arose was the effect of burnout on the work they were doing as an organization.
“A lot of students—and a lot of student leaders, even—were burnt out from the fact that everything was online,” Jasmine shares. Burnout affects people of all ages in all professions, and it didn’t help that the pandemic added a new layer of stress. Students, juggling their academics, extracurriculars, personal lives, and other responsibilities in the middle of a global crisis could no longer take on as much work or pressure as they did before, and with valid reason.
Photo courtesy of Lander Hernandez for Archers Network | Jasmine Paras
It was also a challenge for Jasmine and her other colleagues to deal with bureaucracy. She reflects on going through several hurdles given the scope and scale of her work in policy, development, and matters of national significance.
“When you’re implementing a project, especially when it’s related to national affairs, it has to go through so many people, it has to get approved by so many people.”
Photo courtesy of Jasmine Paras
Students often have to fight to prove that they understand the stakes of representing an institution while trying to let their voices be heard. Having to deal with the stakes of advocating, representing, and being part of a student government takes a lot of courage and confidence, something Jasmine deeply values.
“You have to believe in yourself and in what you’re doing to succeed and surpass your own goals.”
She elaborates that if you confine yourself to what you thinkyou can attain or achieve, you often fail to realize your full potential. Undermining one’s capabilities limits opportunities and pathways towards not just success, but fulfillment. Carrying these lessons allowed Jasmine to flourish in her endeavors outside of student leadership—endeavors that she never thought she could excel in when she first entered college.
Nina San Andres
Photo courtesy of Casey Mateo for COA-M Awards | Nina San Andres
Nina San Andres was the former President and Vice President for Special Projects of the Council of the Organizations of the Ateneo – Manila, the collective of all accredited organizations within the Ateneo de Manila University that provides resources to orgs, their leaders and members, and advocates for their welfare.
COA-M saw firsthand the effect of the pandemic on student organizations as a whole. Given that she was president during the transition to onsite operations as well as one of the last few people who experienced such operations, she had a lot of responsibilities to fulfill. Familiarizing members with systems and processes of onsite orgwork was not the only challenge—they also had to learn to establish new systems and processes that befit the current situation.
Photo courtesy of Vionna Villalon for COA RecWeek | Nina San Andres
Nina also mentioned how pandemic burnout affected organizations not just as systems but also as communities in general. She says, “A lot of people were really burnt out during the pandemic, and then coming back onsite a lot of people were unsure if they wanted to keep going.”
Rebuilding that rapport between orgs and people, as well as building up COA-M as an organization people can trust and turn to for support, were not easy. Efforts and resources were made available to organizations and members to address problems they may have. These internal issues were the focus of orgs early on in the transition, but Nina mentions that there has since been a push to expand their horizons by making efforts to bring their support and services to communities outside the org and the university as well.
Photo courtesy of Andre Dalwin for COA-M | Nina San Andres
While this push does entail overcoming apprehension and fear of going outside of comfort zones, Nina lives by something she’s learned over the last four years:
“Find comfort even in places of fear.”
“It’s okay to be afraid,” she adds. “But you need to overcome it enough to do [things] anyway even if you’re scared.” Courage and comfort in feeling afraid allows people to just make the jump—to do things like serve or lead with heart.
Louisa Tagulinao
Photo courtesy of Bea Bernardez for Ateneo Blue Repertory | Louisa Tagulinao
Louisa Tagulinao was Secretary-General and Production Manager for Ateneo Blue Repertory, the musical theatre org of the Ateneo, and also worked as a Community Relations Officer for Internal Communications for Barefoot Philippines, a volunteer arm for UNICEF.
Louisa spent time in Barefoot Philippines working on projects catered towards providing “contextual and sustainable assistance” to rural communities. She also managed one of Ateneo BlueREP’s most extravagant productions and its first live production since the pandemic, Zsazsa Zaturnnah the Musical… ‘Yun Lang!, and faced struggles related to stakeholders, the scale of the work, as well as her own confidence.
Photo courtesy of Louisa Tagulinao
First there was the challenge of establishing herself as a student leader. She admits, “I found it a challenge to feel that sense of confidence and security in myself as a student who’s also a leader of something that has a really great scope and scale.” Zsazsa Zaturnnah, directed by Missy Maramara and starring Kim Molina in the titular role, saw huge success, from sold-out shows to visits from icons like Regine Velasquez herself.
The production’s scale allowed Louisa and her colleagues to learn from industry professionals, but she also quickly realized just how much there was to learn on the job itself, like technical and skill-based aspects of the show.
Photo courtesy of Bea Bernardez for Ateneo Blue Repertory | Louisa Tagulinao
Louisa also worried about balancing priorities. She had her BlueREP members to worry about, but there’s also the stakeholders within Ateneo as well as important people outside the university to consider when making decisions. Having such responsibility, and dealing with problems she never expected coming in, taught Louisa the value of humility and being open to the learning experience.
“Be humble enough to accept that there is still much space for you to grow.”
“You have to work towards growth,” she says. “There’s always, always space to improve.” Louisa advises people to always look back at the time when they were just starting out—when they were new, curious, driven, and excited. Experiences are what made us, what taught us, and we should never let go of being open to learning from them.
Lara Jomalesa
Photo courtesy of Nelcze Zulueta for The LaSallian | Lara Jomalesa
Lara Jomalesa was the former Vice President for External Affairs at the DLSU Student Government. She was also part of the University Legislative Assembly and worked towards promoting students’ rights and welfare, as well as Archers for UNICEF.
Communicating, coordinating, and community-building were particularly hard given the limitations imposed by the lockdown. Engaging with communities, especially for organizations serving or partnering with specific sectors of society, was particularly difficult as it was hard to build rapport with people remotely.
“It was really hard on our end to bridge the University with our different community partners.” Restrictions imposed due to the pandemic proved difficult to navigate and was even more challenging for those whose passions lie in working with external communities.
Photo courtesy of Lara Jomalesa
Quantity over quality in terms of initiatives was also an issue faced by Lara and her office. Driven by a desire to address national and international concerns and bridging external opportunities to students, they offered a substantial amount of online activities that unfortunately did not make as much of an impact. Students also experienced burnout organizing these activities, so Lara and her office endeavored to shift to more quality activities that would benefit the student body.
Lara values every chance to do good for the student body. She also had the opportunity to deliver the graduate response or speech to her graduating batch, and she shares what she’s learned:
“Continue to do ordinary things extraordinarily well.”
Her words are inspired by those of a Lasallian Brother. At the core of effective leadership lies the effort of doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. She further expresses that to deal with whatever challenge we face in life, we have to “start with empathy and learn the value of grit.” This is how we become catalysts of change.
Photo courtesy of Lara Jomalesa
GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND
Despite the differences in their fields of work, these student leaders sought to go beyond the walls of their universities and serve not just the student body, but also the nation. They harbor a deep-seated desire to serve, to create something meaningful, and to utilize their resources to participate in efforts towards change.
Nina asserts that in our current socio-political context, organizations have to expand their reach. “You have to bring what you do to people outside,” she shares. Student organizations have the capacity to mobilize and direct efforts towards communities outside of their schools and universities, and stand in solidarity with those disadvantaged or marginalized.
Student organizations are versatile, and can be spaces for personal and collective growth, community, and solidarity. If you’re unsure about if you want to commit to one or even lead one during your college era, keep that in mind.
Wondering what to wear for back-to-school is a perpetual problem for students everywhere. Whether you’re a freshman or a senior, expressing your identity through clothes is just as important as staying comfortable during those walks between classrooms. If you’re looking for inspiration, here’s a few things that should always be in your college wardrobe!
THE EVER-ENDURING SWEATER
Some college classrooms feel like the Arctic—that’s where sweaters, pullovers, and hoodies come to save the day! A simple sweater is an easy way to express your fashion sense even if you have to wear a uniform to school. From cotton and polyester to knitted fabrics and wool, you can easily find the best snuggly sweater to wear to fall asleep study in.
Between classes, extracurriculars, and a social life, you’ll need something as versatile as you. Graphic tees are characterized by three things: comfort, making a statement, and showcasing the personality of whoever wears it. And as an added bonus: wearing witty statements, pop culture references, or eye-catching artwork on your shirt is an instant conversation starter.
Some people like to wear heels or boots to school, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, you’ll most likely see everyone on a college campus in their comfiest (often most scuffed-up) sneakers speedwalking from one building to another. Find your favorite pair, wear them down, and let them carry you to excellence.
Finding the perfect denim pieces in the mall or even in thrift shops is almost as rewarding as an A+. A classic pair of jeans or a denim jacket goes with everything, and you can style them as casual or as elevated as you’d like, perfect for classes, org events, and even after school late nights at your favorite bar or restaurant.
The end of skinny pants is imminent. If you want to switch out your denims for those warm, relaxed days, no worries! As legroom and breathable fabric takes center stage in the current trend cycle alongside 90’s and 2000’s fashion, cargo pants have also come back to the mainstream in different colors and fits perfect for your own sense of style.
Don’t judge too hard—many people have agreed that socks with sandals are the pinnacle of comfort. Sometimes, you just don’t feel like lacing up your sneakers for a long day of 3-hour lectures. Thankfully, a pair of comfortable rubber, leather, or cork sandals will keep your feet comfy and supported all day.
The roomier, the better! Canvas totes allow you to throw everything you need for the day into one big, lightweight bag you can carry all over campus. So if you no longer want to deal with zippers and flaps or want everything right at your side, you can find tote bags that perfectly meet your needs and reflect your style—you can even get some customized!
While college seems like a place to show off, serve a look, and be trendy, don’t forget to choose what’s best for you, your comfort, and your goals. Stick to what works, but also try out new things once in a while! That’s what it’s all about.
#NotesToNYLONManila is a weekly advice column for all things Gen Z. From college applications and our first job, to situationships and financial woes, let’s talk about what it means to be growing up in this generation and how to thrive through the best and the worst of it all.
This week, we have a letter about confidence and failure, and what it means to believe in yourself when you don’t succeed.
#NotesToNYLONManila: On Failure, Delays, and Confidence
Dear NYLON Manila,
I had my last exam last month. It’s a pre-board exam that would determine if I am going to graduate this year or not, and sadly, I did not pass. It was my first failure — first big failure. I had all the confidence in the world back then, two months ago. I was pretty sure that I was going to pass. Not anymore. I seem to not know anymore. People don’t believe na hindi ako nakapasa, all because they know how crazy confident I was. I still wake up in disbelief sometimes. How do I gain my confidence back to continue trying despite the delays and setbacks?
Black Swan
Dear Black Swan,
Delays are scary. Failure is terrifying. And confidence? Confidence only truly manifests itself when tested.
In the school system, we are raised to follow a strict timeline. When we plan out our lives, we more of less do the same. A failed exam or class can sometimes mean pushing back our “life” by a whole year, and I completely understand how daunting this might feel, especially when everyone else around us seem to be moving forward. When we’re taught a singular way to look at our future, detours can look like dead ends.
You must be thinking, “If I can’t do this now, what’s my life going to look like at 30?” Or maybe you’re wondering, “Does this failure mean this isn’t the path for me?”
Let me share with you something that’s comforted me at one point in the past, too.
Viola Davis landed her leading role at How To Get Away With Murder in 2014, 18 years after her broadway debut.
Vera Wang became an independent bridal wear designer at 40, after leaving her stable career in journalism.
When I started looking at people who found success later in life, I wondered if timelines might not be as rigid as we were taught. And as I grew older and took even more career detours, I’ve only been met with confirmation.
Just like you, my own failures led to my delayed graduation and bouts of anxiety that clouded my college experience. I watched my barkada march without me. I scrolled past as my classmates added jobs to their Facebook profiles, while I remained in the classrom. I spent late nights and early mornings furiously googling ways out of my situation. However, more than just the external pressure and the threat of a skewed timeline, it was the self-loathing that was hardest to overcome.
Know that you are not defined by your failures, but by the choices you make afterwards. What’s more important than passing an exam or graduating on time is understanding that you are the kind of person who will work hard, try, and push forward no matter what.
Let’s cultivate confidence not from our accolades nor our milestones, but from each time we decide to get back up and learn. The sooner we accept that failure is an inevitable part of life, the sooner we’ll gain confidence as works-in-progress.
You might not be moving forward in the direction and in the timeline of your choosing, but you can choose to be the kind of person who continues anyway.
