Let’s not shame victims who come forward with their stories into silence.
(Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of rape and assault.)
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It’s already so difficult to relive and recount a traumatic event that may have happened to you, but to do it as you’re being pressured and talked to harshly—and while so many eyes are on you? No wonder there’s still such a prevalent culture of silence when it comes to instances of assault and rape. One such case currently in the public eye proves so.
Young actor Sandro Muhlach recently testified in front of a Senate panel about the assault charges he filed against independent media contractors, and the way he was treated and talked to during the session—particularly by Senator Jinggoy Estrada—sheds light on how we treat victims who come forward with their stories. Artist Gerald Santos was also present to testify about he was assaulted back in 2005.
I'm telling you, these kind of people, such as Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, should undergo seminars about being sensitive, especially towards people who have traumatic experiences.
— Ecniv (@Ecniv_nt) August 20, 2024
Because this is alarming. We're living under INSENSITIVE leaders! Learn EMPATHYpic.twitter.com/NR3YBveIKg
As the session delved into the details of Sandro’s experience, he was met with impatient, harsh comments like “Sige na, sabihin mo na,” You’re wasting our time here,” and “Magsasalita ba kayo o hindi?”. Sandro’s lawyer had to step in and explain that while Sandro willed himself to attend and testify in that session, it’s still not easy for him to talk about the details. The senator’s hostile demeanor angered plenty, and his insensitivity is a lesson in How Not To Talk To Victims 101.
THE BLAME AND SHAME GAME
Let's stop normalizing this even in courts. The victims had to prepare themselves mentally for these kind of questioning. The mere fact that they went through the trial already took a lot of courage. Imbes na hustisya ang makuha, shame pa nga. Nananahimik na lang tuloy yung iba. https://t.co/rZi5jY2c0K
— 🔗 GOT7 | K (@MKxc3xcv) August 20, 2024
Far too often, victims do not get the justice they deserve for one reason or another. So many perpetrators get off scot-free or with a slap on the wrist, and the victim has to live with that trauma forever. How is that fair? Shouldn’t we be advocating for victims to get the justice they deserve?
It’s common knowledge how the many forms of sexual violence and the perpetuation of rape culture are prevalent across the globe. Victim blaming and shaming, as well as forcing them to reveal the details of their assault in a triggering, hostile environment, only makes things worse and allows more people to think that they can get away with doing awful things to people.
It’s understandable that learning about what exactly happened to a victim is fundamental to getting to the truth and achieving justice. It’s also important to have an objective, critical mind when dealing with sensitive issues, especially ones involving crime. But is it necessary to approach victims with impatience, insensitivity, and hostility?
every woman that comes forward about being abused is now mocked and called “Amber Heard” which further proves that the reaction to that trial was always about silencing victims, enabling abusers and being misogynistic.
— lilian (@liliandaisies) December 9, 2022
We’ve seen it with Amber Heard, who was criticized, mocked, and hated for speaking up about her abuse. We’ve seen it with people involved in the #MeToo Movement. For so long now, victims’ stories are often met with immediate disbelief, insensitivity, and criticism—especially if the figures involved are public figures.
There are far more instances of rape than there are instances of false accusations, and yet collective common actions and reactions, such as calling victims liars or dismissing their stories because they’re either not the “perfect victim” or “they can’t tell their story well” so often shames them into silence. With reliving the trauma, the societal pressure, the fear of not being believed, and the apprehension that they’ll be shunned for speaking up, no wonder so many abuses are not reported.
In the process of trauma healing, talking is about telling the truth. It connects the survivor to another person. It restores dignity because their story matters. It gives them choice because they can decide when to speak or be silent and victims get to choose their own words.
— Diane Langberg, PhD (@DianeLangberg) September 10, 2021
Besides having to recount the details of their assault, victims have do so in front of so many people—from the hospital staff to court, family and friends to even the Senate, in this case. For some, like celebrities, the entire world is witness to their troubles. Why must we approach them with so much pressure and hostility?
WHAT WE OWE EACH OTHER
To our lawmakers,
— Karen Davila (@iamkarendavila) August 20, 2024
Stop victim blaming.
Treat victims with compassion and sensitivity. Reliving a traumatic experience is horrific, more so in a public hearing.
Stop barraging, asking “why did it take you 5 years? You should’ve filed a complaint immediately”. Victims are… https://t.co/SXH2iK2RVZ
Sen. Jinggoy Estrada has since apologized for his behavior during the Sandro Muhlach case, saying it was never his intention to victim blame or humiliate. But this instance is not a one-off across the board. So many victims get treated the same way, and it only highlights the many hindrances to achieving justice.
We owe it to each other as people to be kind and compassionate. Would you treat a friend who underwent a traumatic event the same way Sandro and so many other victims were treated? We also owe it to others and ourselves to exert an effort to understand context and differing perspectives in order to get to the truth without causing even more mental and emotional distress. Experts are trained to address issues like this in sensitive, compassionate ways, and everyone, from lawmakers to strangers online, should consider following in their example.
Public shaming, pressure, and hostility only serve to silence victims and make them fearful of coming out with their stories. It’s high time we exercise more compassion for people who are brave enough to tell their stories as they seek justice.
Continue Reading: Let’s Stop Shaming Women For Things We Applaud Men For
