“You’re very close with your mom.” So what about it?
Related: Intrusive vs. Impulsive Thoughts: Are We Using the Terms Right?
As Mother’s Day draws nearer, which means an increase in mother-related content on my feed, I find myself reflecting on my relationship with my mom. I’m very close with my mom, more so than my dad, and it’s a fact that everyone in my family knows. I consider my mom to be my rock, support system, friend in time of need, shoulder to rant on, and so much more. My relationship with my mom is one that people can describe me as a “Mama’s Boy”, something I don’t deny.
But while I see that as a completely normal thing, others give a bombastic side eye to guys who have an airtight relationship with their mothers. As we celebrate the queens of the family, it’s about time we realize that all forms of a mother’s love are valid, and that includes the bond between a mother and her son.
HE’S MAMA’S BOY
When we think of a Mama’s Boy, two ideas usually come to mind. First, a Mama’s Boy is a guy who is very close to his mother. The other is that a Mama’s Boy is someone who has an unhealthy relationship with his mother and is incapable of doing many tasks without her input. And often, the idea of a Mama’s Boy usually comes with a negative connotation, with the term blurring the differences between boys who have either a healthy or unhealthy relationship with their moms and puts it in the latter.
Society, pop culture, and even the dictionary depict a Mama’s Boy as something men should never be and women never want to be with. The stigma is that the son will grow up to be a man-child lacking independence, boundaries, and can’t live and think for himself without his mother. In other words, Mama’s Boys are seen as incompetent.
While this kind of toxic behavior is problematic no matter how you look at it, the problem lies in the fact that it’s often rooted in the idea of sons being too close to their mothers. It says that a Mama’s Boy is lacking in manliness, as the term is often used as a put-down. Frankly, that reeks of misogyny. It feeds into the stereotype, not to mention a patriarchal system, that for you to “man up”, you have to distance yourself from your mother. Being close to your mom means you’re soft and feminine and you don’t know how to toughen up.
For men to be considered “real men”, the thinking goes, they need to push away their moms and partake in more manly activities with their dads. It’s something that is taught to mothers and reinforced in the minds of boys with the content they consume. It perpetuates the idea that traits like being empathetic and caring are “too feminine” for men to have. But news flash, having a tight bond with your mom does not make you any less of a man.
MY MOM AND I
I’m an introvert, Virgo, and middle child of my family, so basically, my mind is exploding with complicated emotions but my face is a blank expression of nothingness. It’s not easy for me to open up to people and share my feelings. There are only a handful of people who I feel comfortable doing so, and one of those is my mom.
My mother does what any great mother should do, make their son feel safe and welcome in their presence. Ever since I was a kid, my mom has been my rock, confidant, and best friend. Even now as a working young adult in my mid-20s, I find myself talking to her for both big and small things.
When I need to talk about something that’s been eating me up on the inside, I go to her. She was one of the first people to help me healthily process my emotions. In turn, that has helped me deal with my feelings better and develop healthy behavior in my other relationships.
Men are told that it is unmanly of them to show their emotions or talk about them with maternal figures. They are even seen as superior for not doing so. But that thinking just leads to toxic masculinity and guys thinking being an asshole is an admirable trait (it’s not, BTW). That’s a slippery slope that does no favors to emotional stability, relationship skills, and mental health. Guys are allowed to feel their feels, and that includes talking about it with their mothers. They are your mothers for a reason, after all.
RECLAIMING MAMA’S BOY
Nothing will ever quite come close to the love between a mother and her child. It’s the purest form of love, and the relationship fostered is one of the longest relationships that last. Your mom can be your closest friend, confidant, biggest cheerleader, and so much more. But that kind of relationship should not be limited between mothers and daughters. Sons deserve that kind of love, too. I will always hold my mom in a special place in my heart, and there is nothing shameful about that. We’re not saying every guy should be thick as thieves with their mom because the reality is that every child’s relationship with their parents is unique.
But that should not be rooted in the false idea that mother-son closeness is equivalent to being less than a man. History often depicts a Mama’s Boy as something to be avoided so as to not compromise your adolescence and adulthood. Yet, you can be close to and have a healthy relationship with your mom and still grow up to be a well-functioning adult. Those two aren’t mutually exclusive. So, this Mother’s Day and beyond, remember to treat your mother right, and that there is power to be found in being a proud Mama’s Boy.
Continue Reading: 10 Ways To Have The Best Mother’s Day Ever With Your Mom
