It stings, but what’s more important is to prioritize your peace over trying to change yourself for people who are supposed to like you for who you are.
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Recently, I turned 26 years old and celebrated with a party at my house. As with most people, I invited my closest friends to the party. I have a barkada of around 15 people who I’ve been friends with for over a decade now and I wanted to celebrate me entering my mid-20s with the people I’ve shared a lot of good memories with. If 4-5 people went, I would honestly be ok with that. But to my surprise, only one person showed up, while a couple had excuses as they had prior events to attend to, and the rest didn’t give me an explanation.
Of course, my friends don’t owe me an explanation, but the fact that only one person came was a little sus. After that night, I thought about what I did wrong for them to not attend. Was my house too far for them? Did I tell them about my birthday party too late? Should I have asked them to RSVP instead?
My mind went to my problems, but the gag was that this wasn’t the first time my barkada ghosted me on my birthday. Last year, it was the same thing with only three people showing up (with one leaving early to go to another party that night). And for things as simple as hanging out at my house over the weekend, friends who say they can go suddenly come up with excuses just before the weekend.
I’m the type of person who usually chalks it up to bad timing. But what began as me being apologetic and hoping to see my friends the next time has now become me realizing that maybe I’m no longer the “main friend” I thought I was to my barkada. And you know what? I’m ok with that.
FEEL YOUR FEELS
Don’t get it twisted, I was (and still a little bit am) furious af at what happened. How would you feel if most of your barkada decided to flake on your b-day two years in a row? These are people I assumed I would have a long-term friendship with considering we’ve been friends for over 12 years now. What was supposed to be a happy night turned melancholic, and it’s ok to feel that way. It’s fine to feel hurt when you realize that your BFFs don’t seem to see you as a priority as much as you do them.
There’s a lot of history there to unpack, and that’s not necessarily easy to do. I felt my feels for real. But after giving myself some space and time to reflect, I’m slowly realizing that maybe, I’m starting to no longer be the main friend to some of them. The reality is that some of my friends would rather pick other people, events, or engagements over me. Does it hurt? Yes. But does that mean it’s the end of the world? No.
PRIORITY NO. 1: PEACE OF MIND
I used to think that the issues just came from me and I needed to change or adapt myself to my friends’ comfort. But the problem with that is that you start to become something you’re not, which is the antithesis of what having ride-or-die friends is supposed to be. So, instead of losing sleep or staying angry at the way my friends treat me, I’m putting my energy towards my happiness and well-being as a priority. If my friends don’t want to be with me or see my offerings as a priority, then it’s just an evolution of my friendship and a fact of life.
After all, my friends have other friends, and if people who I see as my main friends don’t see me the same way or I was never their favorite, that’s a reality that I have to accept. Instead of wallowing in my sadness or blaming myself, I would rather focus on my happiness and peace of mind over anyone else’s because who else will take care of it than myself? Admittedly, realizing that you’re no longer a main friend or prioritizing your well-being is not something that can be done overnight.
I’m still coming to terms with this, but we’re all human, after all, and it’s understandable if feelings are a little raw. This level of unbothered and peace of mind takes time, but it starts with loving yourself. Something I’ve been reminding myself these days is that my friends will like me for who I am, not by trying to be something that I’m not, so why should I stay pressed over someone else? Don’t force yourself to be seen as a main friend to someone, because that usually does not go well for both parties involved. What matters it that you care for yourself and don’t have to fake it for people to like you. Trust, you’re going to attract real people who’ll consider you a main friend.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love my friends and will be there for my besties. This doesn’t mean friendship over. If there are other events or hangouts where I’ll see my barakda, I’ll probably still go and enjoy my time. But I’m starting to reorder my priorities. My happiness isn’t just found in other people or determined if my barkada goes on my birthday. If you’re going through this same journey as me, I feel and see you. Let’s be happy for them and, more importantly, ourselves.
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