How often do you think about your ex-best friend? What happened? How did you deal with it? Continuing the conversation on friendships, Gen Z stars Kaori Oinuma and Vivoree Esclito talk about how they deal with friendships ending.
Related: I Finally Understand Why Ending Friendships Feels Like an Actual Breakup, Friendship Goals: Vivoree and Kaori on the Beauty of Female Friendships
If you’re not already aware, there’s a trend on TikTok where people ask their male partners “How often do you think of the Roman Empire?” because for some reason, the answer is rarely “never.” Now people are saying that an equivalent of the Roman Empire question is “How often do you think about your ex-best friend?” Go ahead, ask the question to your friends. The look on their faces will tell you everything you need to know.
The widespread relatability of the question implies that so many of us have undergone the loss of a friendship and it still lives rent-free in our minds regardless of how it ended. And as we are aware, losing a friendship is often just as heartbreaking as a breakup, if not more. Best friends Kaori Oinuma and Vivoree Esclito were not safe from this very human experience, and while their friendship is standing strong today, it’s because it’s built on lessons they’ve learned before.
IT’S OKAY TO BE VULNERABLE
In her experiences with friendship, singer-actress Vivoree chooses to move on, but has also learned that it’s perfectly okay to feel hurt and be vulnerable. After all, losing a friendship is still losing something or someone that you valued for a certain amount of time.
“Growing up,” she shares. “I didn’t give myself freedom to feel any heartbreak…Parang natatakot ako masaktan.”
If she felt that there were certain friends that are sort of drifting away, Vivoree just lets them go. “Iniisip ko na lang na maybe hanggang doon na lang yung friendship natin.”
But she admits that if a friendship were to end now that she’s older, she really would be heartbroken. “I’m gonna let myself feel the heartbreak.” Pushing emotions away is often easier than letting yourself acknowledge and feel the pain. That’s why the “how often do you think of your ex-best friend?” question hits a little hard—because while we often think about a friend we lost, how often do we really process what happened and how we feel about it?
Now, Vivoree has learned that “It’s okay to feel pain, to feel vulnerable, kasi we’re all just human beings.”
ACCEPT THINGS AS THEY ARE, FOCUS ON THE GOOD
Young actress Kaori recounted her own story about friendship breakups—when her one friend in Japan suddenly cut her off and stopped talking to her completely for seemingly no reason. As a young girl who didn’t know much Japanese yet, she relied on a friend who helped her with the language and their lessons in school. But one day, the friend ghosted her completely, making her feel even more isolated.
“Out of nowhere, one day, bigla na lang na lang siyang lumalayo sa’kin.” Kaori wondered what was happening, and even thought about the possibility of other people influencing her friend to stay away from her because she was a foreigner in Japan.
“Ang ginawa ko was tanggapin…inaccept ko ‘yung nangyari.” At some point, Kaori did try to reach out to the friend and asked them how they were doing, but she no longer tried to rebuild the friendship.
“Natakot na ko na nagawa mo na once, [so] mayroong possibility na magawa mo siya ulit.”
Kaori learned then, she shared with LionHeartTV, that some people really do just leave your life, but others come in and make it better, too. She also shared with NYLON that you don’t need to overthink too much if a friendship isn’t made or lost. Kaori moved on with her life and found better, more loyal and trustworthy friends—like Vivoree!
“Magla-last yung friendship namin,” Vivoree reassures. “’Di kami mag-iiwanan.”
Hear more about Kaori and Vivoree’s friendship and lessons they’ve learned on Seated With NYLON Manila podcast on YouTube or Spotify, coming September 29!
Continue Reading: Friendship Over? How Outgrowing Certain Relationships Help Us Move Forward
