This Taylor Swift Song Became A Pillar For My Love Affair And I Shouldn’t Have Let It

It was a gold rush I can’t dare to dream about anymore.

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, was the high really worth it? I guess we’ll never know. 

As a swiftie, we always dreamt of someone lifting us off our feet by singing us a Taylor Swift song.

Nine albums released, different eras, and still a lot of feelings are being addressed or reacquainted to us by Taylor Swift, the woman who’s described as the music industry. But what would you really feel if someone actually sent you via voice message singing a Taylor Swift song?

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Not to toot my own horn, but I actually had the pleasure of experiencing waking up to a voice message from a guy who was playing his guitar, singing Cruel Summer. Considering the fact that it’s a great song and probably my favorite in the album, it actually made me feel warm in the cheeks and get butterflies in my stomach. It’s not every day you receive a voice message, right? Little did I know it would turn into this whirlwind of an affair, with a lot of feelings, a few second guesses, and tons of kilig that were really just a short-lived nirvana to a swiftie like myself. 

phone, taylor swift lover case

Voice messages: the modern-day harana?

He came at the right time. Hearing his voice was refreshing, a new experience. A “fever dream high” can’t even define the feeling. From there, I kinda knew something magical was brewing. Days have passed and we continuously talked, updating each other about work, and exchanged interests like our holy trinities in pop albums. He even shared his original songs with me, writing one on the spot. He asked me to write anything random and listen as he created the melody for it.

Back then, it was really enchanting. Picture someone having the same devotedness to his line of work as much as you do, idolizes literally the same pop icon, and sees you like you’re brand new. I guess it didn’t take too long for me to know this guy as it feels like I’ve known him all along. With his unique name, gorgeous eyes, he’s that kind of guy everybody wants and I’m glad I caught his interest.

blue the feeling i've got

It’s blue, the feeling I’ve got

I kinda knew this love story had a catch to it. As we all know, anything that comes the easiest leaves the fastest, and yet I had to ignore it. Forever or down in flames?, Taylor asks in Blank Space, given this chance to finally be on the same wavelength with someone as gorgeous as he is, I won’t withdraw without seeing the ending. But days have passed, the fervent conversations became short chit-chats, and that virtual world we built slowly disintegrated. Part of myself blames that; I shouldn’t have focused on it. Everything looks wrong if you look at it long enough. Something so familiar, one you know inside out, will look alien if you keep staring at it. My fault is I searched for love in him and love is supposed to be that thing that’ll happen to you when you’re not looking. 

breakable heaven game

No rules, in breakable heaven

Again, I’m at fault here. I thought the songs he wrote were sung for me and that every question asked was a knock on the door of the person I hid for so long. That momentary source of happiness was cursed from the start and I chose to ignore it. Leaning into the fact that circumstances were supposed to happen, and that the friendship shall blossom into a relationship so superior that people will be jealous. He didn’t stay because he wanted to get to know me yet he did, he stayed because he liked my company. They described love as the color red because that’s how it’s supposed to feel, warm, passionate, and exciting, but it also signifies danger and hostility. So it’s true, a soul can hurt you if handed it the key to your destruction.

Cruel Summer is a Taylor Swift song about a steamy, fast-paced summer love affair that was doomed from the very beginning. It used to delineate our so-called friendship, and it warned me of its conclusion as well. In the back of my head, I guess I was just only waiting for him to cut to the bone.

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