When you have all your thoughts to yourself, might as well live the thought daughter lifestyle.
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I’ve been tearing around in my f***ing nightgown, 24/7 Sylvia Plath/Writing in blood on my walls/’Cause the ink in my pen don’t work in my notepad/Don’t ask if I’m happy, you know that I’m not/But at best, I can say I’m not sad
If you recognize these lyrics and even sang along, chances are you are probably a thought daughter, emphasis on the ught. But let’s pump the brakes. What even is it?
In case you haven’t been glued to your phone the past few years or doom-scrolling on TikTok, let us break it down real quick. The term “thought” daughter traces its origin back to one year ago in 2023 when the “gay son or thot (promiscuous) daughter” trend started making its rounds on TikTok. This trend has spawned many iterations of the term including “gay daughter,” “thot son,” and eventually, as a response to the harmful black-and-white stereotype of the terms, the “thought daughter” label was born.
@jesussweat never let ‘em know your next move
♬ original sound – big dawg k
Flash forward to 2024, thousands upon thousands of girls, women, and women-identifying individuals have begun making TikToks and Instagram posts labelling themselves as a “thought daughter.” Even celebrities including our Icelandic jazz queen Laufey identify as one.
@laufey girls who overthink >
♬ promise laufey – ℒ𝒶𝓊𝒻ℯ𝓎𝓉𝒶𝓃 ♡︎
In her video, she says, “when your parents chose thought daughter and now they have to deal with me writing sh*it like this,” with her heartbreaking song Promise as the background music. She got it down pat as one of the many “identifying” traits of a thought daughter is not only listening to but wallowing in sad music (more on this later) while staring at the ceiling. But being a thought daughter, or the experience of it, goes deeper than doing this nightly.
SO, WHAT IS A THOUGHT DAUGHTER?
One Urban Dictionary definition states that a thought daughter is “pathologically introspective,” and has “an unhealthy obsession with everything.” Another definition characterizes the thought daughter archetype as an “over-thinker.” But before you throw the term, “sad girl,” around and say that it’s as shallow as a puddle, let’s dissect it and lay out clearly whether all it would take for you to call yourself a thought daughter is to be sad.
@ali.shelf Replying to @*ੈ✩‧₊˚ jade here’s my explanation of the “thought daughter” community and why it’s growing so fast #thoughtdaughter ♬ original sound – ali ✿
TikTok user @ali.shelf says that a thought daughter is not afraid to spend time alone with their, as the name implies, thoughts. A TD also tends to “gravitate toward music, movies, and books that make them feel understood and seen.”
So, that being said, being a TD is being one with yourself. It’s not just blasting Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Phoebe Bridgers, or reading works from Sylvia Plath, Franz Kafka, and Otessa Moshfegh, nor is it just watching The Virgin Suicides, Fleabag, and Normal People, and calling it a day. You can read and listen to and watch countless TD-appropriate material, but unless you can understand what it is trying to say and what it means for you and for millions of other girls out there, you don’t have the TD vibe.
DIVING BELOW THE SHALLOW WATERS OF THOUGHT DAUGHTER-TOK
As previously laid out, the TD phenomenon was born out of TikTok. But generations upon generations of women and young girls have long been introspective in order to better orient themselves to the world around them.
Being in this day and age, a “thought daughter” is knowing yourself (or wanting to), reflecting on the past (how has it changed you? What have you learned from it?), being aligned in the present (how can you make the most out of it?), and being hopeful that the future will be spent less on ruminating and more on living. Most TDs are sensitive and attuned to what they want and can make for great partners and friends.
Being around other TDs can be a safe and nurturing environment as they usually allow you to explore thoughts that would perhaps go unsaid or unnoticed around the presence of individuals or groups who don’t value introspection as much. So if you want to rehash why you chose a different college major than the one you originally wanted, or why your first love crashed and burned the way it did, go ahead and spend time with some TDs.
TREAD CAREFULLY
While being a TD has its perks and benefits, nothing of course is purely good. Circling back on what was mentioned earlier, TDs are known to consume melancholic media and spend hours and hours just thinking and overthinking. This can lead to a dangerous possibility of the TD phenomenon turning into something dark and ugly, like romanticizing depressive thoughts which can lead to self-sabotage. Those who grew up in the Tumblr grunge era of the 2010s can attest to this. We do not want a repeat of that.
The Thought Daughter phenomenon is just beginning. Who knows what it could evolve into? It could also dissipate into thin air and be dismissed as a mere trend that we will become nostalgic for in five to ten years. Whatever road thought daughters may walk upon, we must be careful not to let it drive us down a rabbit hole.
If practiced in just the right way, being a TD will help you navigate this life. It can cushion the blow of living because not only will it help you understand yourself, but it will also help you understand why other people are the way they are. So, no need to channel Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf or The Narrator from My Year of Rest and Relaxation. Just keep pondering, keep thinking, and keep yourself afloat.
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