People say your college friends are the ones you keep for the rest of your life. What happens when that isn’t the case?
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Everyone knows that entering college is an opportunity to reinvent yourself. For me, it was a chance to make new friends. As someone who began her university life during the pandemic, I was ready to meet anyone new. When I made my first college bestie, we clung to each other like there was no tomorrow. When we started forming our little group with other people, I felt like I had found the people who would be with me forever.
Many dream of living out the rest of their lives while still being connected to their college barkada, and I was one of them. You pull all-nighters together, attend the same classes, and make unforgettable memories with them, and it’s an energy that we’d retain once we graduated as we kept in touch and had the occasional nights out and barkada trips.
I fully believed that I was going to live out my Sex and the City fantasy with the people I started this new stage of my life with. Yet, fast forward to the present day, my initial barkada doesn’t look the way it did in the beginning. While some of us remained great friends, others had ended our friendship.
For me, I drifted apart from a few of them. It was hard to deal with, especially since I considered them my chosen family. Yet, it’s something I don’t regret. Knowing that you won’t end this important journey in your life with the people you started it with can be a heartbreaking revelation.
If you’ve been (or are currently in) that position, it weighs heavy on you. It makes you wonder whether you’ve been a good friend, or worse, if you can’t keep anyone in your life. You start questioning what went wrong, which eventually turns into thoughts on how this distance is your fault. But honestly speaking, that’s not the case. It’ll be okay if you aren’t graduating with the friends you made initially, and here’s why.
I GOTTA GO MY OWN WAY
College is a time for self-discovery. We realize that we desire different things. People shift courses, switch orgs, and sometimes change what they want in a friendship. This was the reason why one of my friends and I drifted apart. I’m the type to look forward to chatting and hanging out often, while the other person was a low-maintenance friend. There is nothing wrong with that, but we wanted opposite things.
While we tried to manage our differences, in the end, we chose to prioritize ourselves. The reality is that different people need different things, and while it might work out one day, next semester, things just naturally change. This doesn’t mean we hate each other or wish each other ill, but there are those people who enter your life for certain seasons before moving on. And besides, people who are meant to stay in your life will stay. Choosing to do something like that doesn’t mean you didn’t try. If anything, it can mean you’re simply maturing from one another.
CAN’T WORK IT OUT ON THE REMIX
Everyone has a horror story when it comes to dealing with a nightmare groupmate. Whether they’re doing too much or too little, it wakes you up to the fact that you are incompatible. This applies to college friends as well. When most of us form our first barkada, we’re inclined to stick with them for anything and everything.
From taking the same classes to doing every project together, hanging out after school to even aligning schedules, you’re inseparable. Next thing you know, you’re pulling your hair because you can’t get on the same page. Those feelings can bleed into your friendships even if you try to keep it professional. While it seems silly to fight over, it may reveal that it wasn’t meant to be. It makes you think about whether you can withstand other challenges in the future as friends. If you feel you can’t work it out on the remix, that’s alright. The beauty of college is that tons of others can match up with you, work-wise and personally.
THERE’S MORE TO LIFE
College is usually seen as the last time people can make lifelong friends. It’s the one time in our lives when we’re granted freedom but not yet facing the realities of work life and adulting responsibilities. It might feel like a dead end when you don’t make it out with the people you started with. Making those first friends in college delivers a kind of buzz not many moments in school can replicate, especially for the introverts among us who feel like they’re entering campus as loners. Losing those first friends or gravitating away from each other can feel like a shock to the system when reality hits.
But it’s important to remind ourselves that the end of our college journey is the start of the rest of our lives. Who’s to say you won’t meet anyone new at work or out there in the “real world” and form a meaningful friendship with them? If you join clubs, volunteer, or take up random side quests, you’ll for sure have the chance to link up with someone new.
Not making it to the end with your college barkada doesn’t mean that you (or they) were necessarily bad people. People just simply drift apart, and sometimes, it’s for the better as you may find a new set of friends or barkada who gel with you more. If you’re ending your college journey without the people you started with, it’s okay. That simply means you’ve found (or will find) people that make your life more fun and meaningful.
This change also doesn’t erase the fond memories and experiences you had with them. Those moments are still worth looking back on with happiness and appreciation as a chapter in your life that led you to where you are today. So, get your degree and look forward to what life offers beyond college.
Continue Reading: 6 Tips For Introverts On How To Survive College, As Shared By An Introvert
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