While it may not seem like it at first, it is possible to work on and gain your self-worth in what can be a very cruel world.
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Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt like you are never good enough.
As we suspected, the entire room raised their hands. In the materialistic and often superficial world we live in, our lives can often be driven more by what other people think about us and less in what we think of ourselves. With the constant need to one-up ourselves and chase that next goal, we often feel hollow inside, like we’re never good enough for our friends, family, and peers. The struggle to find self-worth is real, and it’s a struggle that Mads Constantino, one of our featured speakers during our 2024 Career Fair, knows well.
FOCUSING ON MY PEACE AND HAPPINESS
The path to finding motivation rooted inwards rather than externally is something she’s been on, and as the Director for Academic & Student Affairs at SoFA Design Institute, she’s heard many students’ stories about their struggles to find their worth. Her job is to help fix that. “It is a deeply rewarding feeling to witness a person’s journey to self-mastery/success,” she tells NYLON Manila. “In a sense, I also wanted to embody the mentor that I needed when I was younger, a mentor who empowers others to navigate their path with confidence, resilience and purpose—-and it is such a privilege for me to be able to be in a position to actualize that.”
Through her mentorships and other professional endeavors, Mads champions students to find their best selves without the need for external validation. This also isn’t something she learned just through training—she speaks from experience. “When I started to work on my ‘self-love’ journey and started focusing on my personal growth, it helped me reframe this into an opportunity for further learning and development, rather than proof of inadequacy.”
We all have our own journeys, so what you see on social media should not be the standard of what kind of life you want and should live. As Mads points out, “It is more important to be mindful and to prioritize your own self-validation first. Once you are secure with who you are and the value you can create, you will understand that your self-worth is no longer contingent on constant external affirmation.”
For a little Self-Worth 101 and tips on living your best life that isn’t dependent on external validation, read our interview with Mads below.
Can you introduce yourself?
I am Mads Constantino, a passionate learner and mentor. I create opportunities for student and alumni success with career development advising and industry opportunities. I am the Director for Academic & Student Affairs at SoFA Design Institute, the Philippines’ first specialized design college.
Where does your passion for mentorship come from?
I believe it stems from the challenge of my alma mater for us to be “men for others” (of course, today, this is now “men and women for others” or “persons for others”. This truly resonated with me that everything is not just only about the self, but also the people you meet and the lives you impact. I’ve always found great fulfillment in guiding others to unlock their potential and exceed their own expectations.
It is a deeply rewarding feeling to witness a person’s journey to self-mastery/success. In a sense, I also wanted to embody the mentor that I needed when I was younger, a mentor who empowers others to navigate their path with confidence, resilience and purpose—-and it is such a privilege for me to be able to be in a position to actualize that.
Based on your experience, what is the main difference between those who are able to meet their goals and those who perhaps take a little longer to do so?
The difference would be in the consistency of effort. To meet goals, one must be able to exhibit a steady commitment to progress, even when faced with failures and setbacks. For some, their experience to meet their goals may take longer if they become too rigid in their focus and if they are not open to adapt and be flexible as circumstances change.
Are there things you would have done differently in school or in your career knowing what you know now?
I would have prioritized building a network of mentors and peers earlier on, because at this point in my career, I understand and greatly value the impact of meaningful connections on both my personal and professional growth. While there’s value in all the experiences I have undergone, the earlier knowledge I would have gained would have encouraged me to take bolder risks and seek out challenges that pushed me further outside my comfort zone. (Periodt!) 🙂
What makes today’s generation of students and workers different from their predecessors? What are their strengths and weaknesses?
I truly admire how Gen Zs are highly driven by social and environmental causes and their sense of purpose beyond the traditional metrics of success that past generations have defined. Gen Zs are not afraid to stand out, and their digital fluency makes them highly adaptable. That being said, their natural ease with technology has also accustomed them to rapid change and that can entitle them to expect the same immediate results in endeavours they undertake, which is not always the case.
A term that has become popular among the youth is “imposter syndrome” – a lot of Gen Zs seem to be able to relate to or express feeling this. Is this something you experience as well and how do you tackle it?
This is something I used to experience because I am my own worst critic. That constant feeling of not being “enough” or questioning “why am I here?” “why me?” can be very persistent. I also used to rely so much on external validation that is why I constantly doubted myself and my abilities if I did not constantly receive it. When I started to work on my “self-love” journey and started focusing on my personal growth, it helped me reframe this into an opportunity for further learning and development, rather than proof of inadequacy.
To again answer the question “Why am I here?” — “my past achievements, hard work, and even my failures are the reason ‘Why I am here’ and I now know that I can provide value, that is why I deserve to be here.”
Do you think we as a society should move away from external validation and find a way to be satisfied with ourselves regardless of what others say about us? How can we do this?
I think this is extremely important- each one of us has the opportunity to define our own measure of satisfaction. We have the power to define our own measure of success. I will not disregard external validation/critique/feedback because this can also help challenge us by providing a different point-of-view or to even pose a question, but to dwell on external validation/expectations can also be very detrimental. It is more important to be mindful and to prioritize your own self-validation first. Once you are secure with who you are and the value you can create, you will understand that your self-worth is no longer contingent on constant external affirmation.
How do you balance having a strong sense of self versus being open to criticism?
I think this is a balancing of both confidence and humility. Having that sense of security of knowing who I am, my values and what I stand for—but also being level-headed enough to be open to critique and feedback and instead of being defensive, I approach these from a lens of continuing refinement and personal growth.
What advice do you have for people who are struggling with their feelings of self-worth?
Struggling with self-worth requires you to shift your view of yourself – the keyword here is compassion. Be more compassionate with yourself, it is okay to fail, it is okay to have flaws, it is okay to struggle and make mistakes. It is okay not to be perfect. It is also okay to celebrate your progress no matter how little, choosing to value yourself and recognizing your worth is a journey, not a destination.
Do you have any final words for people reading this story?
Embrace the power of curiosity and creativity, and always be teachable and coachable. In today’s world where change is always rapid and constant, your ability to learn, grow, and adapt will be your greatest assets. Always be open to new experiences and always say yes to opportunities. Once you experience success milestones, add something new to pursue that is uncomfortable so you can again experience what it is like to begin again and to achieve progress. Most importantly, do something and pursue anything or everything that brings you joy.
The interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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