Is it friendship over once your bff is dating someone? Not really, but it also means the friendship doesn’t fundamentally stay the same.
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As an introverted and shy person, making friends is one of my worst skills. Unless we frequently see each other in places like, say, the office, I’m not the type to just go out there and socialize. This is why I consider the barkada I have to be my ride-or-die crew. These were high school classmates who turned into long-term friends that I’ve been close to for over 12 years now.
But I’ve noticed that I’ve been seeing my core group of friends less and less this past couple of years. We’re all working young adults, which is understandable, but even with the free time we have on weekends, the plans still can’t push through because some already have plans with their partners. More and more I see that I can’t hang out with my friends because they don’t have time for the barkada. It’s a fact that has honestly left me a bit defeated, but also looking inward into what this new chapter is like for our friendship.
BESTIE, WHERE YA AT?
First things first, let me state that I’m not jealous or bitter that my friends are in relationships. I’m happy they’ve found someone special. But what has affected me is how our friendship and time together end up taking a backseat to their partners. My concern stems from the more than a decade’s long bond starting to frail.
It’s natural to experience fear when the thought of losing someone close to you becomes a possibility. Those plotlines of friends not being able to see each other because of their partners are actually real, though maybe less malicious than some movies and shows would have it. It’s scary to think that you’ll be alone while everyone else is off to their own worlds. At some point, it gets tiring when you try for months to see friends you haven’t seen in months, but only to be told time and time again they can’t as if their lives just revolve around their partner. That’s lowkey a red flag when you think about it.
What makes it even worse is when someone ghosts the friend group and only comes back when they’re brokenhearted. Does our friendship mean anything to you? It makes you think that you’re just friends for convenience and not because you’re special to them. Real friends are supposed to be there for each other, and being in a relationship should not be an excuse to end it. Friendship should mean something, so to drop all those years for someone you just met sounds a little sus.
DON’T DISS THE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
Admittedly, most of this is new to me as while my friends did date in school, this is the first time most of us are in committed relationships. At best, I see my circle of friends only once or twice a year. But does this mean that the fault lies solely on my taken friends? No. Time stops for no one and we as people mature, which means wanting to form bonds outside of friendship. Life goes on and I know my friends will eventually want to start their own families. Who am I to deprive them of that happiness? I know if I was in a relationship, I would divert some of my attention from my friends to my girlfriend because she would feel neglected if she felt I gave more time to my friends than to her.
At the end of the day, these changes are a part of growing up. As friends, we should also be happy for them about spending time with someone who gives a kind of happiness friends can’t give. The key here is, like with any relationship, communication and understanding. If some of my friends will no longer see the barkada as their top priority, it’s a reality I’ll have to live with. But that is not an excuse to null and avoid all the memories we’ve built. Imagine not attending major barkada gatherings, reunions, and hangouts just because they weren’t permitted by their partner. That’s a problem. We’re still friends and there are good reasons why we should be complete. Friendship is a two-way street, after all.
Go live your life, but don’t forget about us, too. Friendships and relationships can coexist because they should mean something special to you. To drop one over the other so easily just shows that you really weren’t friends to begin with. Trust me, the struggle is real. But there can always be a way to navigate this. It’s just a matter of setting your expectations and priorities right, something I know have to do with my barkada one of these days.
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