Many of us have goals and dreams that we want to achieve by the time we graduate. But what happens when that isn’t the case? It’s not the end of the world, that’s for sure.
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I love having a sense of order. From choosing what I’ll wear the night before to setting goals for the day, I thrive when I have structure. Perhaps that’s why I’ve always gravitated towards the idea of a five-year plan. When I was in high school, every year, we would be asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”. While some of my classmates dreaded thinking about the future, I was always so excited to think about it. Maybe it’s just the optimist in me, but I always treated it as an opportunity to envision my dream life. With some minor adjustments, my answer remained the same throughout the years.
Parts of my five-year plan included taking up Theatre Arts as my college major and going to live in New York City. Call me delulu, but I was very ambitious in high school and was set on doing all that on schedule. I was never the late type, so it makes sense for me to achieve all my dreams. So, what could have stopped me from achieving that? Well, me.
SOMETHING SHIFTED
A five-year plan may include everything you want to have and achieve, but it doesn’t include the changes you’ll go through in that time. During my college applications, I fell out of love with theatre. There was just no way I was going to subject myself to something I didn’t want to do anymore. What was I going to do now? I ended up choosing Communication Arts as my course. While still a rather creative course, I did not consider pursuing it at all before this. Choosing this was not a part of the plan, but I still had all the other parts of my five-year plan, right?
As I started going through college, so much about me changed. As a small-school girlie, it was the first time I truly met new people that I never grew up with when I was on campus. I was faced with and experienced a bunch of new people, subjects, and a whole new culture. Admittedly, I was scared, but I knew it was a necessary thing for me to go through. College truly was the time for me to realize a shift was happening. I found myself exploring new interests through my course, opening my mind up, and being challenged by what life had to offer as a young adult.
So, if I wasn’t going to do theatre anymore, New York was still on the map, right? Sort of. As I went through college, I found myself decolonizing a lot. I grew up with the American Dream instilled into my brain from watching movies and TV shows that glorified it. Going through college made me realize the importance of staying home. As my worldview developed, I loved the country I called home even more.
New York is still on my mind as one of my dream destinations, but I have planted my feet firmly on the Pearl of the Orient. Plus, I don’t think I realized how much it would cost. I mean, it’s not my fault that the movies make it look so easy to go there. My wallet is definitely thanking me for that. Plus, it’ll always be there if one day I gather up the money and find the right time to go.
DITCHING THE HANDBOOK
So, what was left? Honestly, nothing. If my 17-year-old self could see where I am now, she’d probably be confused (and maybe a bit mad). Why wasn’t I on schedule? I would tell her that time is a concept and that I’m genuinely fulfilled with what my life has become. As I approach my graduation (and the end of the five-year plan I wrote in my senior year), I can’t help but be grateful that I went completely off-script.
Had I forced myself to remain in that box, perhaps my relationship with my goals would’ve been a little messy. Setting these standards for myself was ambitious, but in retrospect, it was more of a fantasy than anything. I felt a weird underlying pressure to stay on track because I valued that part of me. I always felt a sense of dread when I strayed from my path in the past. I would get uncomfortable thinking of doing something different because of how unfamiliar it felt. That thought process would have set me up for failure in the long run because, as a human, I was bound to change. And who was I to deny myself of my humanity?
Without doing so, I would’ve never discovered my love for writing. Ditching this predetermined idea of who I was meant to be allowed me to take hold of my life, and I’m ready to keep going after I get that degree. If I find myself leaning towards another direction as I continue to grow, I know that I don’t have to be afraid of that feeling. I am allowed to change my goals and to evolve. The next time someone asks me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I would say I don’t know, but I do know that I’ll find what’s right for me.
This article was first published on the New Beginnings Issue print pack. You can get your copy HERE.
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